I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
