rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
