I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
