If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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