He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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