discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you never un-have a 4some
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
