"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
