My liver just broke up with me...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
