singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
