Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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