He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
