well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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