just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
