i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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