Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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