who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
