I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
