you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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