i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
