So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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