I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
