do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You just made me feel so damn special
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
