Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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