He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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