Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
