Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
