how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
