I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no you cant smoke seaweed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
