It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hippo gnu deer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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