it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
