we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
