Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
