I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
