Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
