it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want nice things and good sex
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
