My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
ok first of all what the fuck
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
