you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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