You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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