I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
