My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
