It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
