One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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