ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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