never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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