dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
