Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
