Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
