woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
