Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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