It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
