I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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