I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
