please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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