Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My vagina just clenched in fear
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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