Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
