I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
