Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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