I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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