What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
