This is not my ceiling
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
tell me about the eggs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
