There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
