I must be too annoying 4 u.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
