Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
