Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
