As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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