remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My ATM looks so different sober.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
