I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
