Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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