the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
