So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
