he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
