The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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