drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
