As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
