you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
