I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
