My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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