The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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