with your own penis?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
