Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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