he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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