well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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