Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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