and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
