She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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