so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
