Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
